As shameful as I’m to admit it, I had been, for some time over the past month, brooding over some dates and anniversaries that fall in September. September is the most sensitive area of the year for me, you see, only surpassed by New Year, (and the oh-so-dreadful Valentines’ Day, maybe) because my b’day falls in September. Anyway, before I could jump into doing some stupid shit like composing a b’day poetry-book (yeah, I’ve grown stupid enough over the years to graduate from “composing poetry” to “making whole poetry-books” in the field of ‘candid anniversary gifts for unworthy male companions’!), I had the good sense to take advice from the internet on ‘what not to do’ on a forgettable anniversary. ‘Existential addict’ put up some great piece of advice on his blog and it literally saved my day! His whole existential theme makes it all the more appealing to me specially because I’m just done reading Camus’s The Stranger. Thanks for the words, existential addict!
But then, somewhere in his blog he talked of not doing anything out of spite. He wrote, “If you shove the world, the world will shove you back.” Doesn’t this writing activity of mine (which I’m convinced I’m doing to vent out my frustration, “to soothe my flailing soul”) count as shoving the world out of spite? I wonder.
I wish things turned out different for me. May be what’s happened is for the best. I have no way to judge my station now till I make a safe landing somewhere, because right now I’m suspended mid-air like a hot-air balloon and dangerously close to getting punctured in any one of million ways. My fingers are crossed for a safe landing. I can take no punctures, no crashes, no dilemmas and no depressions before that. So, thank you for not being around anymore, birthday boy.
If you read my blog, you know that I have a thing about dates and anniversaries. For the past few months, I’ve been on a quest to reclaim days/holidays and keep my hard-earned peace. However, today is my ex’s birthday.
Anyway, I’ve been turning this over in my mind for weeks, trying to figure out what would be appropriate for me. Do I wish her a happy birthday? Do I intentionally forget? Do I do some ritualistic cleansing, reclaiming ceremony? Or do I just pray? I knew I wasn’t at the point where the day would just go by with a passing, deferential nod.
Instead of doing any of these, I decided to write this blog and maybe, just maybe, someone would benefit from my past (and present) experience. (Or I would just get it out of my system.)
So…if you are still raw from a recent breakup or you…
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